a little bit about my valley

post surgery- June 7 -12:12am

It has been around seven hours since I woke up from surgery. I’m laying here in the hospital writing this because I have found that one of the best ways for me to get all my emotions out is to put it into words. Waking up and processing everything was scary because I was just wondering how it went and if this is really going to work. And then the pain hit me with full force. Such intense pain all over. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. The pain I had felt in the previous months before surgery was nothing compared to this. I didn’t know it was possible to hurt so bad. I wasn’t able to cry because that would make it hurt so much more. I had to learn another way to deal with it which was extremely difficult. The recovery process is nowhere near easy, but this pain is only temporary and I’m resting in the fact that Jesus knows exactly how I feel. Jesus endured the most painful times and trials and He is the only One who knows exactly how we feel. I remember a nurse whispering in my ear that everything went so well and I immediately could just breathe again. Hearing that was like my first step towards healing that I have prayed for every single day since I began struggling with health issues. I remember going into the OR room for surgery and singing “I will put my trust in You alone and I will not be shaken” over and over again in my head to comfort myself. When I began to wake up after it was over, I was singing the same lyrics to that song again. Jesus was right there and I like to think that was His way of letting me know I wasn’t alone. I don’t know what the following days hold, or even the following hours & minutes, but this is just another opportunity to trust in the unknown and I’m thankful for that. It’s been a very long journey already but I’m not scared of the future anymore. The past few months have been filled with pain, fear, and frustration with everything that has been going on. It’s been really hard for me to try to help the people around me understand what I was going through. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting any better. I was only getting worse. This surgery was like a last option at healing but gave me a glimpse of hope for the future. The specific details of everything I’m trying to explain about my health issues isn’t something I need to share because that isn’t what defines me. We will never be defined by the struggles we face here on Earth. Jesus is who defines us. Even though it hurts physically, mentally and emotionally, I can say now that I’m truly thankful for all of it. If I had the option to go back and change my circumstance, I wouldn’t. This season is shaping me into who God is calling me to be and I’m growing every single day. It’s a long, hard, and scary process but it’s also so beautiful. Life is not easy, that was never promised. But we have the help of our Heavenly Father every step of the way and that is something I will hold onto forever. Ultimately this life comes down to knowing Jesus and making Him known. This world, the pain, the unknown, the fear-it’s all only temporary. We have to use our time here wisely because this world is not our home. We are called to something much greater and that starts with choosing to follow Jesus wholeheartedly every day. I can’t thank the people enough who have reached out to me and have been praying. I’m especially thankful for my family. I wouldn’t be able to get through anything without them and they have been so strong for me. Even while they were afraid, they didn’t let me see their own fear because they wanted to protect me. I will never deserve their unconditional love and support. I hope and pray that my story would glorify the Lord and bring any kind of encouragement to anyone. He works in such mysterious but amazing ways and I will trust in Him forever. His unfailing love and indescribable peace is where I find my freedom, hope, strength, joy and so much more. He won’t ever let us down. Believe in it and just trust Him. I promise it’s the best decision you could ever make.

Love, Savannah<3